If we think too much about the journey we have to make, the one that is so perilous and unpredictable, we’ll never make it. Jenn Levine, epileptic, mother of two, rode her bike to survive and feed her family. Judged and talked about on group rides she persisted with the help of her children. Learn how her inspiring journey may change yours. Who's afraid of narrow bridges?
Jenn Levine - Dec 13. 2022
Passion for cycling, then they took my bike
I came to bicycling as an adult, because as a child I was plagued by severe epilepsy.
My family was cautious about letting me ride a bike until I was 12 years old.
After subsequent falls, they took the bike away and I never really picked up biking until I was 21.
Nevertheless, at 21 I learned about a multiday bicycle tour that was five hundred miles from St Paul, Minnesota to Chicago Illinois to benefit AIDS research. A dear friend of mine had passed away from AIDS, and I decided to take part in the tour.
I bought a bike from a garage sale that didn't fit and wore whatever I could afford and did my first ride with no previous training. It was very difficult, and there was a lot of unnecessary suffering. After that I did some events for other organizations, but found it difficult to stick with the bike because I had two young children and no time, and no money for gear.
Hard news and tough decisions
Suddenly in 2011 at the Grocery store, I had a seizure out of the blue, fell and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. After a long hiatus, my epilepsy returned without warning. Not only that, the doctors told me that they would not be able to be controlled by medicine and that I would never be able to drive again! How would my life be now?
At the time, I was a single mother of two children under 13 years old. So I sold my car, bought each one of us a bicycle and that's where our journey began.
The brain injury that I suffered changed my entire life. My kids had to learn how to ride a bicycle and how to live without a car, and I had to learn a whole new career and way of living. At the time, I was a single mother of two children under 13 years old. So I sold my car, bought each one of us a bicycle and that's where our new journey began.
We were no longer recreational cyclists taking our bikes out for a weekend ride, we were bike commuters.
Our freedom to move about in this world depended on how strong we were.
Chubby Bike Lady - a warrior is born
Slowly but surely we got better at it, but for me cycling became a way to keep the seizures at bay and to challenge myself and meet others, plus I had to feed my family, and haul groceries!
I kept showing up to group rides in leggings and tshirts because I didn't have enough money for the expensive bike clothing- and frankly none of it fit correctly anyway. Every time I would show up to bike rides, people would look at me and say snide comments like, “You know, we are going 20 miles right?” or “If she can do it, (pointing out that I am fat) then you surely can!”.
The constant judgment of my fat body at group rides really got to me. I was so strong! I was fighting a battle that nobody could see.
The constant judgment of my fat body at group rides really got to me. I was so strong! I was fighting a battle that nobody could see. They didnt know how I had regular dizzy spells on my bike or how I had to buy multiple helmets because I kept falling off my bike from having a seizure. They didnt know how badly I needed to ride to get where I had to go, to feed my family, to survive. They only saw my body. They judged me for something that didn't even matter!
Everytime I would come home and tell my kids about it they would encourage me to get back out there, and keep trying and not give up! They believed in me when most people did not. They could see me for the warrior I was.
In 2017, after 3 years of the constant beratement, my daughter suggested I create an Instagram account called "Chubby Bike Lady" (@chubbybikelady) where I could show that I am a rockstar! She encouraged me to document my rides, because the epilepsy affects my memory and to help other fat people see that they too can do hard things. That they don't have to take that BS from others. At this time I was traveling on my bike, taking weekly rides and commuting to work.
Five years have passed and I am now leading rides for all bodies where folks can come and feel proud of themselves. My style is party pace, no drop and wear whatever you got. If you don't have a tube, I have one for you. If you don't have a bike, someone has an extra one. My kids are so proud of me and will often share my chubbybikelady Instagram to their friends! My IG is a place of inspiration and joy! My health is so much better, my seizures have reduced by 60% and this year I have almost ridden 3000 miles. My message is getting out there: fat people can do hard shit! Nothing can keep you from the joy of bicycling!
One of the things I'd like to see change is how in the US, bicycling can be a money thing. So many barriers exist for people of lower socioeconomic status, I think bicycling means freedom.
We need to encourage all people regardless of socioeconomic status that bicycling is fun and accessible. Also- you don't need all the fancy clothing- $90 for a pair of bike shorts! No thank you!- instead let's talk about getting a properly fitted saddle! I have had so many people help me get what I need for my bicycles. At this point I own 4 bicycles and they have all been gifts or hand me downs. We need to share more, we need to have clothing swaps and gear shares.
Cycling is so much more than Lycra and Strava, its community, its being outside, its seeing the world from your saddle, it's the wind at your back and it's the sounds of your breath. We need to start seeing the bicycle as an integral part of our life- not just for a weekend race/or a workout.
From this bridge on the path is pathless - ready?
Sometimes life can feel like a lot. If you peer over the side of a narrow bridge, you can lose your heart to continue on your path. You freeze up. You sit down. So too with life. If we think too much about the journey we have to make, the one that is so perilous and unpredictable, we’ll never make it. Just repeat to yourself—The whole world is a very narrow bridge and I will not be afraid or be overcome by fear—and keep going. Just believe that you can do hard things. I believe in you.
So much of what has stopped me in my life has been fear. Sometimes I am afraid I can't make it up the hill. Sometimes I am afraid my body won't make it 50 miles. Sometimes I am afraid of going over a bridge..and I live in the Bay area and on an island connected by bridges. As fat people, we are constantly surrounded by messages of what we shouldn't or can't do.
I won't lie, when I first started to ride I was very concerned when I climbed a hill and began to hear my heart pounding that I would have a heart attack. At some point I must have heard that if fat people exercise too hard that that is a thing. But my heart is healthy, in fact I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life and it shocks the doctors because I am still a chubby lady.
It's ok to be afraid, but don't let that fear stop you. Not every day is going to be a win, take your time, you have nothing to prove. Also don't let what other people say to you limit you, find your people. We are out there, and we love you. Bicycling should be joyful and if you are not feeling joy, step back and ask yourself why?
Ride across America
Next year, my oldest child Jacob will be graduating from college in Michigan- where we are originally from. I am going to fly out to see him graduate and then, we are going to take an EPIC trip across America back to California.
I cannot ride alone because of my seizure risk. So my kids will carry all my gear, and be my SAG Vehicle because they both drive now- but I will need to arrange a series of volunteers who will bike alongside me for the 2800 mile trip.
It will take me about 70 days to accomplish this ride, and it will be no small feat to secure that many riders to ride me home. The reason for this trip is 15 years ago we took this trip, in a totally different place. I was going through a divorce, I was driving and my children were little and I was moving to California for a fresh start. 15 years later, recovering from brain injury with the return of my childhood epilepsy, my kids are going to drive alongside me as I ride my bicycle 2800 miles. It has been a long journey to get here. Having a traumatic Brain Injury changes your whole life. I used to mourn that life, but now I am going to take this as a celebration of this new life that I have built!
Chubby Bike Lady's 4 tips for fat folks on bikes
Saddle. The saddle that came on your bike might not be the right saddle for you. My butt hurt for years, so I invested in a fluffy saddle- because I thought..fluffy butt-fluffy gel saddle..so wrong! I now ride on a Brooks B67. I don't have any chafing- I don't even have to wear bike shorts! Usually it takes folks a bit of time to “Break the saddle in” But being that I am a fat lady- I break the saddle in faster! I have found that IF you have a great saddle you can ride your bike longer and longer. A brooks saddle is expensive no doubt- but it's worth the investment to not be in pain and also to not chafe.
Nutrition. Please, please eat! When I first started riding, I never ate anything on my ride. Please eat whatever you can eat. Sometimes I eat beef jerky, sometimes I like gummy bears, sometimes I eat cliff blocks and sometimes chocolate milk. Your body needs the support to keep you riding!
Bike computer. If you are obsessing about your computer…and it is a source of stress or frustration- move the focus from how fast you're going to just trying to collect miles. Think of it like this- for us old folks- remember Pac-man? Just think of it as the little dots being miles and you are Pac man. Take the focus off the speed and see if you can collect miles. 1 mile today- .6 miles tomorrow- 30 miles on friday etc. Or just leave the darn computer at HOME!!!
Baskets & bags. Baskets/Bags are great: Having a basket or a bag on your bike makes your bike more useful besides just for recreation. Say your out for a ride and you need milk from the store- well if you a have a basket- you can stop by the store and grab the milk- no need to take the car out! Also having a basket or bag on your bike means that your bicycle will be doing the work of carrying things instead of your sweaty back. Any local bike shop can help you find the right basket/bag for your bike style.
